Memories

The sort of ex-girlfriend is what actually started the whole discussion - Tina asked me if we (the ex and I) had dated in high school. And I keep saying "sort of ex-girlfriend" because I think that I was more interested in a relationship than she was. If, by some fluke, she actually reads this, she might dispute it, but it's my website damnit, so I'll just keep beliving it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the memories. So, I describe to Tina my relationship with the ex, and remember a very vivid memory: the junior prom. It was notable for several reasons, not the least of which it being my very first awkward social occasion (not to worry, there have been thousands of other awkward social occasions that have followed - each much worse than the last....). Then there was the now infamous picture of us - her eyes are half-closed. I wonder if I still have a copy.... She and another girl both wore the same dress - tragic, I know.

And then there's the bit I remember the most: after the prom. Another friend convinced us to follow him to the beach in a local town (said town being where his girlfriend of the time lived). Anyway, my little 1980 Toyota Tercel follows his moms 1985 (?) Ford station wagon (you know, the one that looks a bit like a boat?) to the beach. We find a nice quiet section with no other cars. And "park."

I must point out here that I was a complete gentleman (really!) and we ended up mostly talking - this mostly being due to the different interest levels in the relationship. Anyway, we're talking, my friend is next to us in his car doing god knows what, when... TAP TAP TAP on the passenger side of the car. The distinct sound of Maglite on car window. It's the police. Naturally drawn to the fogged up windows, they had come to let us know that the beach was closed and we had to get out. Now.

At first I was a little confused, but then I got settled and said "Yes, sir" and started getting ready for a hasty exit. I then looked over to the station wagon.... and saw my friend fly from the way back of the wagon to the drivers seat. Literally fly. Like he managed to long jump inside the car or something. He was, it turns out, totally freaked by the cops (he had noticed the flashing lights on the top of the car) and was worried we were in real trouble. He left quicker than I could follow... so I spent a few minutes figuring out how to get home. Fun.

So, with this memory still very fresh in my mind, I suddenly get another memory - from about 3 years later, when I was working at a YMCA summer camp. The camps sessions were 2 weeks long, starting on Sunday and ending on Saturday. Counselors had to work one of them, but the other 3 were yours to do what you wanted (I know - less than 24 hours off, how fun - but it was enough to get in all sorts of trouble, trust me). Anyway, it was one-such Sunday morning, and I was standing in front of the cabin of my girlfriend. Eating breakfast. Now if this was today, that breakfast would have been cereal, or a bagel, or eggs, or something... healthy. Instead, we were sharing some really fresh, rather greasy donuts and a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Dunking the donut in the ice cream, eating large amounts of ice cream, and just generally doing something that was incredibly tasty.

This memory prompts me to do something that's just a wee bit out of character: a google search on her name. I actually luck out here, since she had (and apparently still has) an unusual last name. Granted some of the pages have disappeared - thank goodness for the google cached pages. And look at that - all kinds of info about her. Granted, it's mostly different race results, but there she is... I found a picture of her on one website. And confirmation several times over that she now works at so-and-so school. And let's not forget a couple of links to work that her father has done - he works for a large computer company that's based in Armonk, NY. But there she is, easy to find, on the internet. Why didn't I try this before??? The best part is what appears to be a current email address.

Do I email her? Of course. When we parted, oh so long ago, we were friends. Sure, it was a little weird, but it wasn't a big deal since we weren't likely to see each other. Since then, I actually did go visit with her (we went and picked strawberries, if I recall) and we were still amicable, but it was still a little weird. Which is why I understand how people don't believe it when a couple breaks up but decides to remain "friends" - it's just weird. The relationship is different.

Will she email me back? I don't know. I've changed a lot since then, and regret some of the things that I've done in the past - including not staying in touch with her, now matter how weird it might have been. Of course, maybe I tried and she just didn't want to 'cause of the "weirdness" of it all. I just don't know.

Is there a point to this whole little diatribe? I don't really know. I think that partly it's to remind myself that I'd rather regret something I have done than something I haven't. Life's just a little too short to worry about things that are out of your control - if you see the chance take it. It really sucks to not take it and then wonder the rest of your life how it would have turned out.